


Luthor Escort Services

by uhpockuhlipz



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Crack, but those are the people that speak, other people are mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 17:38:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uhpockuhlipz/pseuds/uhpockuhlipz
Summary: Kara needs a last minute date to her sister’s wedding. Luthor’s Escort Services is there to help, but Lena is nothing like what Kara was expectingora fake dating AU that is just... ridiculous.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted to me over on tumblr a couple of different times and I finally got around to writing it so here you go. It's unedited and probably awful because it's cracky af lmao but I had fun writing it. Enjoy! xx

Kara Danvers is panicking a little.

 

Okay, she’s panicking a lot.

 

It’s just that it’s only two weeks until Alex’s wedding and suddenly she’s dateless and she can’t stand the idea of seeing her sister’s I-told-you-so expression when she shows up alone. Because of course Alex was right about Mon-El. She was right about him being a selfish jerk, she was right about him being unreliable, she was right about him being completely not right for Kara at all. But Kara, stubborn and self-righteous, had told Alex very clearly that she was wrong and of course Mon-El would be her date and of course Alex would see how very _wrong_ she was.

 

But she’d said all of that before walking into the supply closet at work to find him with his pants around his ankles and her boss’s new secretary with her skirt hiked up over her thighs as they went at it against a filing cabinet. Not the best way to find out your boyfriend is sleeping around behind your back.

 

Not to mention it was completely unsanitary.

 

So now it’s two weeks before her sister’s wedding and Kara is dateless and Mon-El is a useless sack of crap she’d had to kick to the curb and oh, god, Alex is going to be so smug. Like, she’ll be outraged and she’ll be sympathetic, but she’ll be smug too. She’ll give Kara that superior older sister _look_ and Kara will want to die on the spot.

 

And that’s the other thing. Bemoaning the wreckage of her relationship at her sister’s wedding seems so… so _tacky,_ especially when she’s the unofficially official maid of honor (there aren’t any bridal parties on either side, but she takes her sisterly duties very seriously) and she’d worked so hard to make this day good for Alex and Maggie. Alex should be focused on her _wife,_ not on her little sister’s scumbag ex-boyfriend. She can’t ruin it by being dramatic and useless and…

 

And having just… the _worst_ taste in men.

 

“I don’t want to lie to Alex,” Kara says to Winn, dropping her head on his desk. “This is all kind of my fault and I can’t…” She groans and tosses her arms across the back of her head. “She’s gonna be so unbearable.”

 

“You could tell her now and get it out of the way? That way she knows before the wedding at least. The novelty of being right will have worn off by then.”

 

There’s a long silence before Kara looks up and gives him a rather terrified stare. “I already told her I’m taking someone else,” she whispers.

 

“Wh- Kara, why would you _do_ that?”

 

“I don’t know, I panicked!” She tosses her hands in the air and pushes back from the desk, pacing around it as she struggles to make sense of her own actions. “I told her I wasn’t seeing Mon-El anymore and then I just got this… this _flash_ of her face doing that _look_ and I was like, oh it’s because I fell for someone else!”

 

“That… was pretty stupid.”

 

“I know.” Kara presses her hands to her cheeks and stares blankly at the opposite wall. She isn’t seeing it, not really. No, instead she’s seeing flashes of that idiotic conversation and all the regrets she now has. “And I can’t even take someone as just a friend because all of my friends are invited. What am I gonna do, Winn?”

 

“Pray?”

 

“Not helpful.”

 

“Sorry, bud.” Winn lifts his shoulders in a half-shrug, grimacing sympathetically. “Tell you what. I’ll do some digging, see if I can figure something out. But no promises. I’m a computer genius, not a flash-dating website. I mean, that’d be pretty cool, but if it were that easy, I’d have some dates myself, you know?”

 

Kara sighs. It’s not quite a sound of relief because she doesn’t have a solution yet, but the burden of her stupid lie feels a little lighter with someone else to help carry it. “Okay, awesome. Thanks, Winn.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t thank me yet.” He waves her off and she heads back to her office to finish working on her current article.

 

She does have things to do besides freak out over this all day, after all.

 

//

 

It’s a few hours later when Winn pushes into her office with a massive grin and that kind of cocky swagger he gets when he does something particularly clever.

 

“Okay, _now_ you can thank me,” he says, leaning forward to press a sticky note to her forehead before she can swat him away. She frowns at him and peels it off, turning it so she can read what he’d written.

 

“Luthor Escort Services?” Kara flushes. “Winn, I need a date, not a prostitute!”

 

“Umm, excuse me. Do you think I’d be that sloppy with my research? Please, Kara.” He presses a hand to his heart like she’d mortally wounded him, but when she only stares blandly back, he heaves a sigh and circles around her desk to pull her keyboard towards himself. His fingers fly across the keys and when Kara looks up from the note again, there’s a rather legitimate looking website displayed on her screen.

 

“Luthor Escort Services,” he says proudly, using the mouse to highlight service notes. “Need some arm candy for a special event? This is the kind of place you look. They’re like, fake date specialists, Kara, see? There’s all these beautiful women who-”

 

“Wait, women?”

 

“Well yeah, duh. I mean, people who normally request these kinds of services are pompous old men who want to look like they attract pretty younger women in front of their other pompous old man friends. Your situation is kind of, you know.” He shrugs. “Unique.”

 

“Then how do you know they’ll even provide this service for a woman? What if none of their employees want to pretend to be gay?”

 

“Who says anything about pretending? The website’s acronym is L.E.S. _Les._ ” Winn waggles his eyebrows, sighing again when Kara only continues to frown at him. “Look, it’s worth a try. You don’t have any other options right now.” He taps the phone number. “Fake it ‘til you make it, right?”

 

Kara looks back at the website, her arms folding across her chest. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

 

//

 

She calls later that night with the belief that calling late means she’ll go to voicemail and she won’t have to do this in an actual live conversation. She’s written out her entire message in fact, and fiddles nervously with the paper as the phone rings once, then twice.

 

“Luthor Escort Services. How can I help you tonight?” The voice is smooth and soft and strangely professional, considering the business at hand. And it’s a person, a real person.

 

Kara half chokes out an, “Oh. Hi.”

 

There’s a pause and a rather baffled, “Hello,” in return.

 

Kara feels the heat spread up the back of her neck and burn in her ears. She realizes that the paper with her planned voicemail is now crumpled in her hand and she hurries to smooth it out, but it ends up ripping down the middle, one half fluttering away. Kara curses and grabs at it, but it’s out of reach and she hates everything.

 

“Um. Are you alright, miss?”

 

“Yeah. No. Perfect. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” Kara drops her head onto the desk with a light thud, closing her eyes as she struggles with embarrassment. “I, um. I was calling to- that is, I um...”

 

“Are you looking for an escort?” The words are all but a purr now and Kara feels the heat in her face increase as she squeezes her eyes shut even tighter. She detects a hint of amusement in that voice as well, though she imagines her phone contact is too professional to laugh at a potential client.

 

(Kara sulks a little anyway.)

 

“Yeah. I mean. I need a, um… A date. For a wedding. My sister’s wedding? I just broke up with my boyfriend because he- never mind, that doesn’t matter. And none of this really matters because I’m a woman and this service is for men, right? But my friend told me to try anyway and I figured I would so thanks for speaking with me, I’ll just-”

 

“What’s your name?” the voice cuts in, softer now.

 

“I… Kara.”

 

“Well, Kara. Most of the ladies here do only work exclusively with men, but I am certain I can find someone to take you on.” There’s a smile in her voice again, though it’s still softer than before. “If you’d like to go forward with this?”

 

“I...” Kara lifts her head and exhales shakily, thinks again of potentially ruining her sister’s wedding by taking all the focus with her newly single status. (And that _smug face.)_ “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like to try this. What’s your name?”

 

“It’s Lena.”

 

“Thank you, Lena.”

 

//

 

There’s a problem.

 

Like a big, huge, amazingly _glaring_ problem, one she hadn’t foreseen, and it’s making Kara regret this whole thing. Because really, she should’ve known that calling a service where you have to pay to date a woman means that all the women that work there are bound to be beautiful. And okay, she sort of had known that on some level.

 

It’s just that she’d kind of expected a normal, average, every day sort of beautiful, not…

 

Well, not the woman standing at her door.

 

Because the woman standing at her door is the most breathtakingly _stunning_ woman that Kara has ever seen and she’s pretty sure she’sgot some sort of paralysis powers or something because Kara’s been standing behind her door staring through it at this woman for far too long. Long enough that she raises her hand to knock again, obviously thinking Kara hadn’t heard.

 

The movement snaps her out of her daze and she reaches out, tugging the door open so abruptly that the woman on the other side is left with her hand hanging midair.

 

And oh, _no,_ she’s even more beautiful without the door in the way and it’s so… it’s not _fair._ Jesus, she isn’t going to survive this. She’s just not. Kara resigns herself to it even as she forces a smile.

 

“Hi,” she breathes, sticking out a hand. “I’m Kara Danvers.”

 

The woman smiles, a slow curve of lips as she takes Kara’s hand in her own.

 

“Lena,” she offers, the smile growing a fraction when it becomes obvious that Kara recognizes her voice, her name. “Luthor.”

 

“Luthor,” Kara repeats slowly. “As in...”

 

“As in Escort Services,” Lena agrees with a laugh. “It’s my company, but sometimes I still have to do the legwork. Especially for special circumstances.”

 

 _Don’t say something stupid about her not needing legwork,_ Kara forcibly tells herself, purposely keeping her eyes focused high, high above the area in question. “Special circumstances. Like a woman requesting a date?”

 

“Something like that,” Lena agrees. “Are you read to go, Kara? Our ride is waiting out front.”

 

“Sure. Yeah. Let me just...” Kara grabs her bag and then slips through the door, careful to lock up before following Lena down the hall. “You look really pretty,” she tells her as they ride the elevator back down to the ground floor and Lena offers her a smile, small and curious, her head tilting.

 

“Getting into character already?” she teases, and Kara feels the heat burning her ears.

 

“I- no, I just- you do. Look pretty, I mean. Um.”

 

Lena chuckles. “Thank you. As do you, Kara.” Kara glances back to her and it’s a mistake because those eyes are making a slow assessment, flickering down Kara’s frame and up again before meeting Kara’s, and Kara is absolutely not going to survive tonight. “Blue is your color. It makes your eyes pop.”

 

“Oh. Ha. Thanks.” Kara adjusts her glasses and clears her throat as the elevator stops. Lena only laughs again and gently takes her arm, guiding her outside.

 

Their ride turns out to be a sleek black car with tinted windows and a driver, who climbs out and opens the back door for them when he sees Lena coming. Kara balks, uncomfortable and uncertain, but Lena gives her arm a reassuring squeeze.

 

“It’s easier to discuss our arrangement if someone else is driving,” she says, nudging Kara encouragingly towards the back seat. “John has been my driver for several years. He’s very discreet, I assure you.”

 

So Kara slips inside, followed by Lena, and within moments they are on their way. Lena goes immediately into work mode, Kara watching in fascination as she crosses her legs rather smoothly at the knee and lifts a thick folder from the file pocket hooked over the seat in front of her. There’s a divider between the front and back seats, a black roll-up privacy screen no doubt controlled by the buttons on the center console, and Kara resists the urge to lean forward and fiddle with them as Lena begins highlighting the terms of their arrangement.

 

“And now the fun part,” Lena says when it’s all signed and put away again. She smiles at Kara, less of a professional smile now, and Kara watches her with mounting confusion because _there’s a fun part?_ Her expression must give that doubt away because Lena’s eyes light with humor as she fights to keep her smile contained.

 

“You know, your circumstances are fairly unusual. Most people who use our services are only looking for a date for the night, but you have more of a need for a story. A more estblished relationship, as it were. Another reason I only trust myself for this particular job. So, how did we meet, Kara Danvers? How long have we been together? What level of PDA are you comfortable with?” She pauses, tilts her head, waits.

 

“I...” Kara’s head is spinning and she looks around the car like she might find answers pinned to the sides or something. “I hadn’t thought… I mean, I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago and I told Alex – My sister Alex – that it was because I fell for someone else so… I guess that’s you?” She looks to Lena again, who nods her encouragement as she twists her body towards Kara’s, arm draped across the back of the seat. “So I guess two weeks and… probably we were friends before that because I don’t really fall for people unless I’ve known them awhile so it wouldn’t make sense to have only _known_ each other for two weeks, but I’m not really sure-”

 

Lena lays a hand on her arm, effectively stopping her mid-ramble.

 

“How about this? We were friends for a few months, met through… Yoga or something, whatever hobby you have. I made my feelings for you clear, you thought about it and realized you had feelings in return. You left your ex – Mike, right?” When Kara nods, she smiles again. “And we’ve been together since.

 

“Okay, yeah. Sure. That’ll work.”

 

“Great. Now… are we having sex?”

 

Kara chokes and Lena gives in then, laughing even as she reaches up and strokes a soothing hand over Kara’s arm. “It’s okay, darling. It’s early days yet. We can just say we haven’t taken that step yet, should someone be nosy enough to ask. So. What are you comfortable with tonight?”

 

“I… I don’t know.” Kara is floundering. She’s in over her head. She hates lying and she hates making this beautiful woman lie for her, but it’s too late now and _gosh,_ Lena’s eyes are really pretty, and no wait that’s not what she’s supposed to be focused on right now. “Just… just whatever feels natural, I guess?”

 

“Natural, hmm?” Lena leans closer, just a fraction closer, close enough that Kara can see the thin halos of blue that rim the green of her irises, the flecks of gold that sparkle in them. “So if a moment arises where it feels natural to kiss you, then you’re comfortable with that?”

 

“I… yes?”

 

Lena watches her for another minute and Kara tries to ignore the way her stomach flutters nervously at the intensity of her gaze.

 

Then just as suddenly as things get serious, Lena smiles again and sits back, recrossing her legs.

 

“Excellent. Now, just relax, Kara. I am very good at my job. No one will suspect a thing.”

 

//

 

Lena, as it turns out, is _amazing_ at her job. Her friends take to her immediately upon meeting her, even Winn, who knows very well that this whole thing isn’t real (he leans his chair back to meet her eyes, giving her an “awesome” sort of hand gesture as he mouths _nice_ ).

 

She sits beside Kara during the ceremony, and when Kara starts to cry softly, she reaches over and laces their fingers together, squeezing gently. Kara forgets herself and lets her head fall onto Lena’s shoulder as she sniffles and watches her sister marry the love of her life.

 

Alex withholds judgment the longest, but whether it’s because she’s softened up by her wedding day or just because Lena is so positively charming, she’s soon smiling along and chatting with her easily. She thanks her for her well-wishes while Maggie grins and nods her agreement, even as her eyes stay glued to Alex like Alex put all the stars in the sky (though she does spare a moment to take Kara aside for a hug, whispering, “Wow, little Danvers, nice catch,” before shooting her a wink and returning to Alex’s side).

 

“I have to admit, I’m a little shocked that Kara managed to keep you to herself for so long,” Alex says over dinner. “She’s not usually that good at secrets.”

 

“Well it wasn’t a secret, really,” Lena returns calmly, smiling over at Kara while Kara breathes a quiet sigh of relief for the save. “We just wanted to feel things out a bit, figure out where we stand. But we have now, haven’t we, darling?” She lifts Kara’s hand, presses her lips to the back of it, and Kara feels the butterflies come to life again.

 

(She realizes she’s staring when Lena lifts her eyebrows slightly, an amused smile on her lips.)

 

“Oh, um, yes.” She nods in two quick, jerking motions, turning her attention back to the table. “We’ve… figured it out now. And I wanted her to meet everyone, so. Here we are.” She gulps down wine and wishes it would actually affect her enough to calm her down.

 

“Kara’s told me so much about you, of course, Alex. I haven’t heard her gush about anything except your wedding for weeks.” And that easy subject change is enough to take the focus off of them for the rest of the meal.

 

It should be easy to make it through the night just like that, easily sidestepping questions and just pretending until it’s over, but it’s not. It’s not easy at all because Lena is always _touching_ her.

 

It’s innocent and sweet, things couples do, things that would hardly be noticeable if they were actually dating because it would be so second nature. She holds her hand, grips her arm, rests soft fingers at the small of her back. She leans into Kara, laughs softly at her words when they’re speaking with friends, looks at her like she doesn’t see anyone else. The act is good enough that Kara almost forgets it’s fake.

 

It’s good enough that she kind of wishes it wasn’t.

 

Because she really likes Lena, or this version of Lena that had been created for her and this occasion. She doesn’t know if she’s real, if this is what she’s really like, but every time Lena catches her eyes and smiles, she finds that she wants to know. She really wants to find out if she’s the same beneath the layers of her act.

 

They’re talking with James and Winn when Kara works up the courage to lean close to Lena’s ear and ask her if she wants to dance. It’s quiet, a question not loud enough for anyone but her, and Lena looks rather surprised. Their eyes meet and hold for a moment before she nods and excuses them both with a smile for the boys.

 

They don’t speak as Kara takes Lena in her arms, holding her so carefully against her as Lena loops her arms up and around her neck. They don’t speak as they sway to whatever soft song is playing, but their eyes hold and Lena feels tense in her arms until suddenly she doesn’t, until suddenly she’s melting into Kara with a sigh she can only hear because of her superior sense of hearing.

 

Their cheeks brush and Kara resists the urge to nuzzle closer, to feel how soft Lena’s skin is sliding against her own in this small, innocent gesture.

 

When the song ends and they pull apart, Lena’s eyes are wide and serious. There’s no humor, no playful smile, no flirty look from under her lashes. She watches Kara like they’ve only just met, like there are things to say that she doesn’t know how to. The uncertainty she sees is a surprise and, not knowing its source, Kara steps back to give her some space.

 

“Kara! Dance with your sister-in-law next,” Maggie demands, making an appearance at her side, and Kara lets herself grin at the distraction. Maggie looks so beautiful and her eyes sparkle so brightly. Kara’s seen her smile before, but never quite this much. Never quite so fully. She’s happy, and Alex is happy, and Kara is happy for them. “You don’t mind if I steal her for a couple minutes, do you, Lena?”

 

Lena’s already slipped back behind her mask. She laughs and waves a hand. “Please, be my guest. I think I’ll find myself a glass of wine and lure Winn into a conversation about biomechatronics.” Her eyes flicker briefly to Kara, her smile softens. “I’ll see you in a bit, Kara.”

 

Kara bites her lip and nods, watching her walk away before she turns and opens her arms to Maggie, tugging her into a dance.

 

“So. Lena,” Maggie teases, lifting her eyebrows.

 

“Um. Mhm. Lena.” Kara nods and focuses on Maggie’s shoulder as they dance.

 

“She’s beautiful, smart, successful.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“Not bad for a fake date.”

 

“No, she’s-” Kara’s eyes go wide. “Wait, what?”

 

“You aren’t the only bad secret keeper around here.” Maggie tips her chin up in Winn’s direction and Kara shoots him a glare, wondering if she can heat vision him just enough for a little zap. Nothing permanent, just a little jump start so he knows that _she_ knows that he’s an idiot. “Alex doesn’t know, if that helps. “I’m the one who threatened him this time. Wanted to get the scoop on you two.”

 

“Alex doesn’t know?”

 

“Nope. And she won’t find out from me.” Maggie tilts her head, her statement pointed enough that Kara wilts a little under her look.

 

“I’ll tell her,” she mumbles. “Eventually. I just wanted her to have one good night without worrying about me, Maggie. She deserves tonight to be about her.”

 

“Yeah, she does.” Maggie nods her agreement, her eyes going soft when she finds Alex across the dance floor dancing with J’onn. “And I know you’ll tell her because you can’t lie for more than a night without spontaneously combusting. So… when’re you gonna tell Lena you like her for real?”

 

“I...” Kara had thought that Maggie was done calling her out tonight, but Jesus, she’d forgotten how relentless she can be, and how damned observant. “I don’t know what you-”

 

“Kara, please. You’re not that great an actress, you know? And I’m not blind. Figured you out quick, didn’t I?” She laughs a little. “I think you should go for it. I didn’t at first, but when I found you two dancing just now, it looked to me like she’s in a bit over her head too, you know? Think about it.”

 

The dance ends and Maggie returns to Alex’s side, leaving Kara alone on the edge of the dance floor thinking about her words. It doesn’t seem like a good idea. In fact, it seems like a really, really _bad_ idea. For like, a billion reasons.

 

But when she looks up and meets Lena’s eyes where she sits at a table with Winn, James, and Lucy, when Lena smiles so softly at her, she wonders if maybe it isn’t as bad an idea as she thinks.

 

//

 

She kisses Lena at the edge of the garden, just beyond the double glass doors leading out onto the terrace. It’s the spot designated for the smokers, but there’s no one outside right now besides them. They stand just beyond the reach of the light from the reception room.

 

Kara had needed the air and the stars, the escape from the press of so many bodies and so much noise. Lena had followed because that’s what dates do and they’d been standing in silence for several minutes when Kara had turned to face her and Lena had watched her quietly.

 

And now she’s kissing her beyond the lights, beyond the noise, beyond the eyes that could see them, and Lena is kissing her back just as softly. Kara’s hands lift and frame Lena’s face and Lena’s fingers curl with something like tenderness around her wrists just to have something to hold onto.

 

“We said kissing was okay if it felt natural,” Kara whispers when they break apart.

 

Lena smiles, her eyes closed, and leans into the pressure of Kara’s forehead against her own. “That we did,” she agrees, her voice just as soft.

 

“And that felt pretty natural.”

 

“Agreed.”

 

“So I think if that kind of felt like the natural moment then maybe we should just, you know, see if it was, just to double-check and make sure-”

 

“Kara.” Lena laughs quietly. “Just kiss me again.”

 

So she does.

 

 


End file.
